Nice. Sounds good, but that's a lot to read. I'll leave some feedback later on.
Hi I'm a diver that enjoys playing video games when I'm not writing about marine life, diving or maritime history, but if I'm not doing that I'm out with my mates. How about you?
Jack Longman
@greatwh1teshark
Age 32, Male
Writer
School of Life
Diving the Med
Joined on 4/10/09
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Comments
Cheers very much.
A typo pops up in the first chapter, 'quickly as is appeared'. Stuff like that makes a bad first impression you know. Is this really revised? :P The introductory summary seems unnecessarily long, a lot of detail to take in that doesn't really have a direct link to the plot. It captures my interest at the start but I don't think I remember everything towards the end. Another note, starting sentences with 'as for' makes them almost trivial, better dive right into the story. There are also a few tense shifts that would sound better without, like "The man turns again..." and then "...he was positive his mind was not playing tricks on him."
I only skimmed the first two chapters, but so far it's good. The narrative is interesting too, not the common angle. Keep up the good work!
Cheers very much.
Labraxadores
It seems like a long story, if I have enough time I'l surely read it and then send you a PM with some criticism. Okay with it?
greatwh1teshark
Yeah, I look forwards to it.