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greatwh1teshark
Hi I'm a diver that enjoys playing video games when I'm not writing about marine life, diving or maritime history, but if I'm not doing that I'm out with my mates. How about you?

Jack Longman @greatwh1teshark

Age 32, Male

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School of Life

Diving the Med

Joined on 4/10/09

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Spirit of Iris Update

Posted by greatwh1teshark - April 22nd, 2013


A couple of months ago I started writing a novel and uploading bits of it on NG, well now the Novel is completed and is uploaded online and can be found on this site: http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_
ID=29873

So if you've got the time to check it out, I greatly appreciate that, and for those of you who don't know what it is about, I'll tell you:

Brief Summary:
Set in a world much unlike our own, on a lonesome planet at the end of the universe, an epic between good and evil is about to come to pass. Living in a medieval era, the inhabitants of the world find themselves up against the dreaded Shanzi, vile creatures of pure darkness who seek one thing, the annihilation of that is good and there is only one who can stop them, a young boy by the name of Zach who must Rise up against the forces of darkness and drive them back to the shadow existence from whence they came.

Synopis & MS Story Development:
The Planet under threat of destruction from the wicked Shanzi is the planet Oceania, a planet much like Earth, except it is even more so a water planet, with even less land for the inhabitants to live and due to the large seas and oceans, the planet's inhabitants are divided across the eleven realms, living on islands that are both small and large.
Our story begins when Zach, who at this time is a baby arrives in the Mares realm on the Isle of Iris, an Island that is home to the Watcher Mako, Watchers are proud warriors and the defenders against evil, especially their arch nemesis the Shanzi, aka the Dark Ones, monsters of many forms, made up of pure darkness and shadow beings of terrible evil that want nothing more then to destroy all life and rule the world.
Upon Zach's arrival on the Isle of Iris, the Shanzi find a way to return to Oceania, bringing new darkness to the world, so it is down to Mako to train young Zach, who is a special boy and according to the Watcher's prophecies, is the saviour and only one who can destroy the Shanzi, so in light of that, Mako spends the next 8 years training his Zach, getting him ready for his mission to vanquish darkness.
Zach is now 8 years old and thanks to Mako, is well trained and highly skilled, but Mako doesn't believe in Zach, he doubts him completely, so due to eavesdropping, Zach overhears Mako's doubts and runs off, only to meet another person on the Island, the Spirit of Iris, aka Shimay the Phantom, who knows all about Zach and begins training him, Zach begins to grow greatly, becoming the hero he is meant to be and because of his new powers, another of Zach's educators, Izal the large 4 foot telepathic Raven believes Zach could be one of the Legendary Elohim, the elite Watchers who were true soldiers and unbeatable in battle and as the ROTE Series progresses, it comes into light that Zach is Elohim and is the first of a new breed and sets out to find others like him and helps them achieve their full potential and rally together to defeat the Shanzi once and for all.
As the story progress, Shimay is actually revealed to be a villain and is in actual fact Shanzi, so Zach has to set out on a small journey to ready himself for his true showdown with the Evil tyrant of the novel and in his travel he encounters a goblin camp that has taken children prisoner, so Zach then frees the children, defeats the goblins and their ruler, the Goblin King, who is also another Shanzi and it is upon defeating the shadow being that Zach is well on his way to unlocking his Elohim side just before his final showdown battle with Shimay.
The story ends with Shimay's defeat as Zach is able to overcome the evil Dark One, only to have Shimay have the last laugh as he was successful in opening the temple of the Shanzi, allowing many more Shanzi to escape and plague the world and with the Temple being open, Shimay has made it possible for the Shanzi King Lord Darkari to escape, which novel 2 (The Eye of Mares) will be about, as Zach must prepare for a new quest and sets out to hunt down the Shanzi that escaped and stop the evil King before he can destroy the world.

Once again, thank you for your time.


Comments

It seems like a long story, if I have enough time I'l surely read it and then send you a PM with some criticism. Okay with it?

Yeah, I look forwards to it.

Nice. Sounds good, but that's a lot to read. I'll leave some feedback later on.

Cheers very much.

A typo pops up in the first chapter, 'quickly as is appeared'. Stuff like that makes a bad first impression you know. Is this really revised? :P The introductory summary seems unnecessarily long, a lot of detail to take in that doesn't really have a direct link to the plot. It captures my interest at the start but I don't think I remember everything towards the end. Another note, starting sentences with 'as for' makes them almost trivial, better dive right into the story. There are also a few tense shifts that would sound better without, like "The man turns again..." and then "...he was positive his mind was not playing tricks on him."

I only skimmed the first two chapters, but so far it's good. The narrative is interesting too, not the common angle. Keep up the good work!

Cheers very much.